Looking up my past

 I immediately had problems with Sadiq.  He wanted me to leave my newborn and not yet two year old, but I convinced him I could tale in kids for daycare an make a similar living at home.  And this I did while causing Little disruption, except to my own sleep, because Ramiza kept me up most of the night, by fussing, and needing to feed frequently.  Sadiq would go in and hit her if I didn’t come and carry her downstairs, so  that is how I got through the first year.  The second year, I became a graduate student and managed to be gone from the kids only the l0 hours a week I was in class.  Otherwise, I was on my own, and Sadiq was out every night with the guys.  He drank, and did whatever else he did while I had to make my hours count by nighttime reading.  Sadiq also said he was taking the kids and leaving, and when that happened I would never see them again.  I tried to make it work, but I dreaded the breakup, and when the police came the first time, They explained that each of us had equal right to the kids and they could not remove him.  He listened, but only until they left.  My mother was on the phone, but she said they could do nothing. I was so furious, though it was he who was pulling my shirt off my back, that I hung up.  But the minute the were gone, he threw me out of the apartment and locked the doors.  No one  could convince him to let me back in.  The next day I went up to my parents’ house and after four or five days he told me I could return home.  My friend Mary, whom I had met that fall was a saving grace.  She took woodshop classes, carpentry and was a vocal feminist.  Her presence made me bolder, but her husband Dale could have no real influence on him.  He was sleeping around and so belligerent that nothing helped.  

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