Looking up my Past

 I am so upset at we didn’t see how much we were hurting our kids by being in Colorado.  But that is water under the bridge now.  I would love to redo things in the past, but I can’t.  Our life in Colorado had some terrific moments.  We did make some good friends and I still am in touch with Amy Levin, Kate Grenville and Joanna Seiler.  I feel the couple of days with Toni Morrison, with people like Paula Marshall, Timothy Leary, and Kay Boyle, as well as others were powerful encounters.  I also loved my teaching and think I did a great job.  I did return to teaching after a hiatus, and really enjoyed it.  I gave myself a lot of room to wiggle around in and kept the safehouse work up as long as I was able.  People don’t last in safehouses all that long.  

Bill did prove he could complete a task and his thesis was considered terrific.  Susan hated him leaving because he was such an asset.  He did it, even if after he couldn’t find any place that suited him.  Instead, he had a breakdown, one of two two-year breakdowns.  But he didn’t give up.  Each time he found another job and worked at that until he retired.  He just didn’t really like science.  He only thought he did.

When we came back to California, we returned to a whirlwind.  My father had to have surgery and they told him the cancer was everywhere.  He was given eight weeks to live and only lasted seven.  My father wouldn’t let Jessi stay with me, so I would stay a few days, then go home.  My three older kids were floundering as well, but I kept up the ruse as long as I could.  Finally, my father died, after planning his funeral, his speaker etc.  He slipped away so fast I couldn’t keep up with him.  I tried my best with everyone, but it was an awful time. 

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