Looking up my post

 What had happened to me?  I discovered something authentic:  I loved someone with all my heart, and without reservation.  It made me so much more open with everyone else, including Mary and Dale Peterson.  I could accept that something in my world besides my husband was great.  So, when we told Sadiq and Sandra, we discovered how much we loved each other, and they became more loving towards us.  Sadiq was now working for the Ventura police department, and Sandra was more accepting of our children’s lives.  We now regularly had them over for barbeques and did a lot of our socializing together.  Things softened.  I still had some doubts, but not many.  He still had doubts about me as well, but less so.  I think they were learning to accept the new reality, and when I got pregnant six months after our marriage, that solidified the change.  They moved further away emotionally and began thinking of moving to Fiji.  I’ve heard that Sandra instigated this, but I do not know.  They wanted their lives back and moving to Fiji was one way to do it.  Meanwhile, I understood that I would never move further way than I now was.  I stuck to that until they decided to leave themselves, five years later. We met sometimes in Los Gatos or in Ventura or Santa Cruz.  I believed we were learning to coexist and get along.  But it must have been hard, because neither of them was from this country, and both wanted to be elsewhere.  I would never have moved so far away from my kids, but maybe it was necessary for them.  When they did move, they promised to come back frequently, though they couldn’t. in the end.  We did our best, and when they did finally move, we were all hoping this was just temporary.  Thank God we had a few years together, as we would never see him again.  It just wasn’t possible, but we kept trying.  I loved them, in a way, and when I heard about Sadiq’s struggles, I discovered that I bled for him.  He was only 41 when he died, of drowning during a fishing trip by his parents’ place.  I will never know, because it all happened so far away.

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