Looking up my Past

 I don’t know exactly what happened yesterday, but I feel certain that talking in general terms about trips we have taken was not what I wanted to do.  I saw that with Sadiq’s death, my parents’ deaths and those of other of my friends, we were on such a downward spiral that I try to avoid it.  Bill was upset, and he left his job and slid into a massive depression:  mainly because he couldn’t cope with working and pretending to care.  He did do many things that were necessary:  taking care of the taxes, living our lives well, mostly, considering.  I think now he just wanted to be left out of the financial situation.  To him there seemed enough money not to need to work.  But I wouldn’t hear of it, so he eventually found a job after two years:  Doing tax work, but it didn’t net any real income.  

I was trying to work as well, after the initial Mononucleosis and mourning, and neither of us knew what we were really doing.

Our kids were trying to strike out on their own, in the case of the older two, and the younger two were Forging ahead while not being sure if what they were doing was right either.  We were happy but not entirely happy.  Riyad forged ahead with Mac Callister and then Santa Cruz, and Ramiza refused college until 2 ½ years later, when she decided to hit San Francisco City College, and make up for her lack of effort in high school.  She did well at city college and was able to transfer to Sarah Lawrence.  Her then boyfriend Brandon encouraged her because he had graduated from Berkeley, and that helped.  What were we all doing?  The best we could.  After the trip to Ireland, Scotland and Wales, we became a family who could travel wherever we wanted, and we did.  Usually, we traveled separately from the two grown kids, but we also visited them frequently, and became closer with time.